How to win EVERY argument with your partner

Divorces and breakups spike in January – and is it any wonder?
It's grey and cold, our bank accounts are empty, our stomachs are bloated and we're feeling irritable and picky. 
All couples argue – especially at this time of the year.
And while rows may be unpleasant, the way you solve your problems matters – and predicts whether you'll make it long-term.
This is a (by no means exhaustive) list of the things most couples fight about and how to stop - for good.
SEX
The issue is often mismatched libidos - one wants it more than the other - though an increasingly common couple issue is porn use (generally his).
Ironically, while dissatisfaction with sex is a major cause of arguments, it's often not discussed directly.
Instead, anger over sex problems like feeling hassled for sex or feeling deprived of it tends to be expressed in a passive-aggressive way, through sarcastic jibes or getting het up over small, insignificant things.
Sort it: You must address the elephant in the room or it will eclipse everything.
Do it by thinking about what you would like to happen, rather than what's not happening, then start any conversation about sex.
'I hear Kim and Kanye are at it all the time. Do you think that's true?'
Once you're talking generally about sex, say something like 'Would you like sex more often/to do something we aren't doing?'. Once they start talking, you say your piece.

MONEY

Just as matching libidos and attitudes to sex mean less problems in the bedroom, matching incomes and attitudes to money mean less problems out of it.
Constant arguments over money can nearly always be traced to spending styles – which are nearly always inherited from our parents.
Match a penny-pincher who has grown up in a household where money was tight with Ms Splash-it-around who had parents who lavished them with expensive gifts and there's bound to be trouble.
Sort it: Talk about how your parents dealt with money and how you felt about it growing up. If you understand each other's influences, you'll be more tolerant.
Also look for underlying influences: is his 'wasting money' your secret fear that he's not keen on buying a home together?

SOCIAL MEDIA
It's new(ish) on the list of things couples argue about but my guess is this will soon nudge out one of the top three (sex, money, housework).
Pre-social media, couples got jealous over people their partners know; post social media, your partner can flirt and potentially hook up with thousands of strangers.
Even worse, you can see some of this interaction happening by social media stalking, inflaming the whole situation.
Sort it: Sensible couples set ground rules about their social media behaviour – and stick to them.
For some, it's complete transparency: sharing passwords to everything.
For others, it's the opposite: not wanting to know and see what's going on and remaining completely private.
If you're ever in doubt of what's OK, imagine your partner is looking over your shoulder as you do whatever it is you're doing. What would they think?
KIDS AND PARENTING
'Please shoot me if I turn into my mother/father' is what all kids say when they're growing up.
But when we're suddenly in the parent role, we do the unthinkable: turn into our parents and try to bring up our kids exactly the same way our parents brought us up (even if we hated how they did it).
Unless you both come from extremely similar backgrounds, it's unlikely you grew up being parented the same way.
Most parents are fiercely protective over their children so conflicting views on how to teach them about the world is bound to cause drama.
Sort it: I'm a huge fan of the five-minute clock method for issues like this.
You each get a chance to talk, uninterrupted, for five minutes. At the end, your partner repeats back what you said.
Continue until you're satisfied they got your main points, then swap.
This works well for emotional issues like parenting: think of five must-dos and mustn't do's beforehand.
HOUSEWORK
Progress has been made but women still do the lion's share of housework and social organisation.
The blame for this doesn't rest squarely on the shoulders of the lazy so-and-so who never makes the bed.
Women mother men and clean up after them, rather than letting them do it themselves.
There's huge incentive on both sides to even this up: better sex.
It's a fact: men who do more housework and involve themselves with the kids have better sex lives and happier relationships than those who don't.
Sort it: Do what young people do when they share houses: come up with a chores roster and stick it on the fridge.
Split the chores into who prefers doing what and you often have a win-win solution.
PAST INFIDELITIES
If one of you cheated in the past – even decades ago – I bet you're still arguing about it now.
Cheating hurts: you might have forgiven but by God, you're not going to let them forget you've forgiven!
Past infidelity hurts are often tacked onto other arguments, making every argument end up being about the same thing.
Sort it: Have one last discussion about what happened with the wronged party able to ask anything they like and get honest answers – on the proviso that it's not mentioned again.
If this is impossible, see a good therapist to get some closure.
Another good thing for all couples to agree on: argue about one thing at a time.
TIME TOGETHER
The ideal ratio of time spent in a relationship goes like this: time together, time alone, time alone with your friends/family, time together with each other's friends and family.
Some couples naturally get this balance right, others find they've ended up with someone with very different ideas on closeness and intimacy.
Sort it: What specifically do you want from your partner?
If you want more time with them, how much time? When? How often? What do you want to do during this time?
They should do the same: detail how much time they need solo, with friends etc.
Now you have something concrete to work with, it's easier to work out some compromises.
TIMING OF RELATIONSHIP EVENTS
People fall in love at different speeds and are ready for different things at different times.
This means while it's perfect obvious to you that it's time to move in, get married or have kids, it's might not even have occurred to your partner.
You think they're putting things off, they think you're fast-forwarding the relationship.
Sort it: Give up on the old-fashioned idea of things having to happen spontaneously or being 'his job' or 'her job' to instigate things.
If you want to get married, ask 'Do you think we'll ever get married?'.
If you want kids, ask 'When do you think we'll be ready for kids?'.
If they say it's too soon, ask when they think they're likely to be ready (if it's never, better to find out now).
FAMILY
I asked a psychiatrist friend of mine what advice she'd give to a couple who love each other but can't tolerate each other's family.
'Move to the other side of the world,' she said wryly. 'If you can't do that, at least keep a sense of humour.'
Squabbles over parents and siblings are common and damaging and can topple the most grounded relationship unless it's dealt with effectively – and quickly.
Sort it: The old adage that it's OK for your partner to criticise their family but not you, is spot on. So resist the urge to join into that vitriolic moan about his mother.
Also remember you don't have to adore his family, just have workable relationships with them.
You owe it to your partner to be polite and they owe you the same courtesy.
ROMANCE (OR LACK OF IT)
It's both impossible and exhausting to stay in the 'honeymoon' stage forever because the love and sex hormones that fuel it stop releasing over time.
But romance shouldn't completely disappear to the point where you feel taken for granted.
'He's not romantic enough' is a long-standing complaint of a lot of women in long-term relationships.
Sort it: When asked to be more romantic, five out of ten men do something like wash their wife's car.
I'm serious: aside from the obvious cards, flowers, chocolates thing, most men haven't a clue what 'being romantic' means.
Give him a list of 20 specific things to do as examples (hold my hand when we're out, tell me I look nice) and then see what happens.
You might be surprised.

(C) dailymail.co.uk